Survival Mode & Catastrophic Thinking, Please Take Your Seats
As I sit here thinking about what I want to write about for my first ever blog post, I can't help but think that THAT is exactly what I want to blog about. I keep swinging between feeling excited about starting something new then feeling like I missed the boat so to speak. I have this intruding thought that people who blog have been doing it for decades and who am I start blogging now. Yikes! I don't exaggerate when I talk about self limiting beliefs being a huge problem for me. Anyways, here goes.
Somehow I woke up and I was 41 years old. Folx in the spiritual community say that time is going by faster now than it ever has before. I don't know if this has been scientifically proven or not, but I can attest to feeling this way. Part of me wonders if it is because I am getting older or if in fact time is moving faster than before. I don't know that any of us will ever know the answer to that. What I do know is that I have this overwhelming feeling inside of me that I have so many things that I want to do and if my life 0-41 went by in the blink of an eye than I better get going before I miss my chance. Let's say I didn't have anything else that I wanted to do, well that would be perfectly fine too. For me though, I have this growing overwhelming urge to share my story and allow my creativity to permeate all parts of my life. I have bottled it up for so long to maintain what I thought was "being a responsible adult". What I now know is that I have been trapped in survival mode. Over my lifetime I have convinced myself that if I am not working nonstop at a steady 9-5 in a practical job than life as I know it will fall apart and I will end up homeless. In addition to existing in survival mode I also have it's best friend catastrophic thinking always taunting me from the sidelines. I've been working hard to tell them both to take a seat.
Anyways, I feel like I am just starting a new journey where I am allowing all parts of my authentic self to roam free. I look forward to where the road takes me but am at a point in my life where I have learned to appreciate the journey while I am on that road. I used to think 40 was too old to start anything new but literally something changed inside of me and I no longer feel that way. I hope to use my voice to break this cycle of toxic youth worshiping culture we live in. My message to you is whatever age you are right now is the best time to do that thing you've always wanted to do. Today, for me, it's writing my first blog post.